Monday, November 15

Why I Hate That Canadian Tire Guy

When I was in grade five at Parkdale Elementary, the school came up with a school-wide fund-raiser project:  students from each grade would submit stories, poems, pictures, some of which would be compiled in a booklet which parents would buy.
Nice idea.
I believe I had a poem selected for inclusion.  But the surprising thing was that a drawing I made was chosen by Mrs. Ross to be on the cover of the booklet.  Surprising because I didn't consider myself an artist at all  (class-mate Stephen

MacInnis was the real artist in the school).  The drawing, which was a mix of crayon and pastels, was of an Island landscape: water, fields, cliff, etc.
Needless to say, I was flattered.
One day Mrs. Ross told me that since the drawing was a medium of crayon and pastel, it wouldn't copy very well for the numerous booklets we were publishing.  We'd have to trace the colourful drawing and use that black and white tracing as the image.  No problem, I said.  She told me Perry (I forget his last name) would be the tracer, since, apparently, he was very adept at tracing.   ???  Ok, no problem, I said.
To celebrate the publication of this booklet, the school organised some type of event to get the parents to the school.  Many parents bought a copy of the booklet, and I personally overheard numerous comments on how lovely the picture on the cover was.
How lovely the picture on the cover was, and how smart a boy this Perry must be for coming up with it.
But it's my picture!!
Seems that Perry, when tracing MY PICTURE, signed his name to the tracing.  Perhaps the tracing was his artistic interpretation of my original artistic masterpiece, and perhaps he was legally justified to do so, but in my mind, he was a forger.
He received credit and praise for copying my artistic imagination.
In my mind, he stole my glory.
I've hated him ever since that day.  My hatred was pure and just.  And it still is.
My hatred for Perry went unmatched for many, many years.
Unmatched until I saw that smug prick from the Canadian Tire tv ads.  Now, when I see him in the numerous ads he's done hawking Canadian Tire products, my fury and anger bubbles, barely able to be contained.  Sometimes I scream at the television.

I just figured out why I have such an adverse reaction to that bearded arsehole.  And it's the same reason why I hated Perry so much.

Both of them take credit for other's ideas.  The Canadian Tire guy seems to believe, just because he owns and is aware of the various products, and just because he tells his neighbours about them, that he is part of the team that actually comes up with the ideas.
But he's not.
He's just a guy who traces the ideas.


frankie said...

My husband and I attended the craft show at TOSH for the first time this year, and we have some unique ideas in our stuff and lots of people commented about that. But some of the people, you could tell, were trying to memorize our techniques in their heads so they could go home and copy us. Grrrrr. Pisses me off, but that's the nature of the business.

graham said...

I'm starting out a career based on plagerism, but I still hate that smug canadian tire guy, and that Perry prick.
I feel if you're gonna rip someone off, you really have to leave your mark on it before you can take credit.
As for that Canadian Tire spaz... Stay the fuck away from me and mine. I don't know why, but my instincts scream to me that this guy is like a Satan-spawn, masonic lodge, sexual criminal, republican suburbia freak.
Actually it brings up an interesting thought. I wonder how much research has gone into the reverse effects of commercials that have annoying themes or characters. I stopped drinking Keiths after that scottish prick wanted to yell at me for being a spilly-talker. I go to Canadian Tire a lot less after Mr. Satan-freak tried to teach me about car-batteries. There's more, but there's also more blog-comments for you to read so : Until next time...

Rob said...

Another ad campaign that really bugs me is the guy who won't allow his (I assume ailing) elderly father eat any Nature's Crunch (I may be just making that name up - anyway, it's some 'healthy good for you' cereal) because the greedy prick wants it all for himself.

Jason said...

I like kitties

dylan said...

I dislike the Canadian Tire guy and his wife as well. But I've always hated CT guy for being a bad Bob Vila copy. If his weak minded friends are going to come running to his garage everytime they hear a new tool then they deserve to have him as a friend. I'd just borrow the stuff and never return it. Surely anyone who spends that much at CT has a lot of disposable income.
My biggest commercial complaint currently is the Wendy's guy. I got so annoyed by him one day that I phoned up Wendy's national office and complained. A couple hours later a representative of Wendy's phoned me back to get more info about what I didn't like in the ad campaign. They haven't taken the damn things off the air but I still feel better knowing that at least I've let them know I hate it.

Rob MacD said...

That Canadian Tire Guy is the Ned Flanders of home improvement.

Steve said...

I thought I was going to get a break from the Cunt, Cuntess, and cock-end community of Canadian Tire after last Christmas but they dont even come up for air.
Endless shite to mediorce (at best) tools. Championed in the spirit of smugness, better-than-you-ness, by a man who clearly has never been kneed squarely in the baws. Oh, for that chance.
And his wife is a grade A nazi sow. She'd turn anyone into a one-upping twat. Nae pishin' in the Ensuite sink in that household. And his 'pals'..... well they're just needin' to fuck off. I mean that brainless, gormless, child-abuse-victim from next door. Come on.
Get this nonsense off the air. Your tools are shite!
Who puts a fuckin laser on a fuckin jigsaw: a dog shit quality laser on a similairly rated jigsaw. And he'll smile at you in his special wee way and, although you've allready got that fuckin' 300 tools in one, "it's all the tools you'll ever need" garbage, he'll try and make you get a wee stiffy about it. You know the rest.
Me n you Canadian Tire Cunt, square go, anytime

Jesse said...

I cant believe I just wasted a few minutes of my time reading that article, idiotic conclusion

Rob MacD said...

And then probably wasted another five or six minutes compiling your excellent critique.

chris said...

haha, the funniest is when his buddies doing brakes and hes like "did you get the brakes I want?"
and the CT guys like "no, i got you these other brakes from a company that makes shocks"
I would have been so pissed if my buddy did that to me, what a shitty person.

coop said...

yeah, what the hell is this guy's deal?
like, half the time he's friendly in that asshole uncle kinda way where he basically lets you know he's judging you for making a fuckup of a decision not buying the mastercraft version of the same piece of shit tool from crappy tire. but he still does most of the shit for you in that "too bad i gotta cover for your ass way"
and the other half of the time, he's like, ha, too bad YOU'RE fucked, guy. shoulda done what i did. looks like im off to have fun (readin the monhtly CT catalogue or sodomizing squirrels or whatever it is that gets ol' beardo's rocks off) while you struggle away. A, who DOES that to a neighbour? "sucks you dont have a shovel, good luck scraping up that dogshit with your hands while my shovel sits unused in the garage, and B, who are these dipshit neighbours that fucking wind up spilling their powertools or god knows what like curly larry and fucking moe? i think george washington said it: a fucking idiot is a fucking idiot, whether he has mastercraft tools or not. if this guy cant clean his lawn without a pressure hose from CT, chances are his kids are fucking malnourished and his dog starved to death.
on an unrelated note, i feel like beardo has a sort of jack nicholson vibe - like, dont leave your kids alone with him type thing. three cheers to CT for selecting such a pomppous diddler for a spokesman.

Candian_Tire_Guy said...

ya? you think your smart eh? well you would to if you lived with to kids that hate you you fu=king prick, screw you all, i hate you!

Rob said...

What type of Mastercraft tool would you suggest be used to screw us all? How 'bout the Mastercraft 5 Bits In One Soft-Grip Screwdriver?

PeQliaRudy said...

Yes, ironic that he should be selling US tools, when he is in the end, the biggest tool of them all.

ted simonette said...

Well, well...looks like you people are the real losers. Have you nothing better to do than sit around writing hateful articles about a guy in a TV ad? You must watch WAY too much TV if these ads piss you off that much. You might think about...oh, I dunno...getting your tubby ass off the couch and doing something with your lives?? At least the Canadian Tire guy has a f=cking job!

GetBent said...

I have to second all the folks on this BB who dislike the Canadian Tire man. But in reality, give the guy a break, I mean, have you seen the dude's wife? That sow's cakehole could freeze fucking time. She was probably half-ways presentable when they first met, but since squishing that ugly brat out of her crack, the cunt's buckled like a fucking hinge. With a face like a snow plow and an ass like a bag of kicking rabbits I'm sure Mr. Canadian Tire would need more that a Motormaster pressure washer to inflate his cock in front of that whale. Not to mention the fact that he'd need the Motomaster Hydraulic winch just to ply her fat mounds apart even if he could get it up. Poor guy.
Don't get me wrong though, I'd still love to see the cunt go for a ride over my bonnet some night as a careened through his livingroom because I forgot to use motomaster winter tires.

mog said...

I often fantasize about what that family would be like when the camera's not rolling (work with me here). I can see it now:
Mrs. Canadian Tire: Honey, I'm having know...getting excited.
Mr. Canadian Tire: Ah! I've got just the thing for you.
(reaches under the bed and pulls out a long object)
It's the new Mastercraft pussy pounder I got at Canadian Tire. It's gas powered, and self lubricating so all you have to do is lay back and enjoy. (He pulls the starting line and it comes revving to life)Now that's fast!
At this point Mrs. Canadian Tire has her hind legs tucked behind her ears and her gaping sod is glistening, anxiously awaiting the seizuring gas powered dildo.
Just then, the door flies open and all the neighbors file in to the bedroom. They all heard the new tool starting up and wanted to see what good old Flanders was up to. He invites them all in to have a round or two with the new gadget. And they all lived suburbily ever after.

marshall said...

I wonder who would win in a street fight between Bob Vila and Ted Simonette. Clash of the tool titans. Motomaster vs. Craftsman. Anyone care to place a wager?

stevmill said...

I think Bob Vila would crush the CT guy. I assume that's who Ted Simonette is. Measure twice, cut once. BANGO!!! Lights out for that cranked up pervert. There's no other way it could go. Bob Vila must have a good 30 pounds on Teddy not to mention he has better eyesight, more experience and a black belt in Karate.

tisko said...

You're crazy. Ted would become an A1 lunatic in a fight. He wouldn't give up until Bob was a salt and pepper heap on the ground. He's got some loose screws that even a Motomaster Speed Ratchet can't tighten.

jon falutino said...

I went to high school with Ted. He was a sick motherfucker. One day he got in an argument with this girl. She apparently owed him money and was unwilling to pay it back. Ted went to her house early the next morning and waited for her to come outside to get the bus. When she walked through the front door he pelted her square in the nose with an ice ball. She had to get reconstructive surgery and now she's uglier than a can of smashed assholes. I think he would definitely kick seven shades of shit out of Bob Vila.

anita blowjob said...

Hey Teddy, how's your self esteem?

Squint Eastwood said...

In the battle of the beards, I'd put my money on Captain Motomaster. I'd say Mr. Vila would get the first few shots in, but then, all at once, all the pre-teen rage of the school-yard loser who got caught jerking off in the outhouse at summer camp, the rage that's been hiding behind that cunt of a of grin since grade seven, would erupt, and Motomaster would go fucking barnyard on Mr. Vila. I'd bet the farm on it. I may not be good at much, but I can spot a psycho from a fucking mile. And Captain Moto got the details of a genuine wingnut: His Ham of a wife. His stool of a child. And his whole fucking garage of shitty tools. They're all just props in the play of his life, and one of these days, the curtain is going to fall, hard. I can hear it now: "Hi Honey, I'm home! And look what I bought at Canadian Tire! It's the new-pump action 12 guage from Motomaster. Just watch how it handles your big fat ass!" BANG! "T-reffic, Oh hey Tyler! Mommy's gonna be fine, she's just taking a nap on the floor, now come on out from behing the couch and see what I bought at Canadian Tire." BANG! "Works like a charm, and, when you're ready to call it quits, it even fits in your very own mouth!" BANG!
Hey, at leats Canadian Tire is good for something.

Greg said...

I masterbate to the Canadian tire guy, is this normal?

graham said...

Yes. But normal is a very vague, subjective term.

Ryan said...

I think all you people have some serious time on your hands to worry about an actor for Canadian Tire adverts and what he represents. Obviously the advertising using him is making Canadian Tire money or they wouldn't continually use him in all their commercials. Must be nice to have a perfect life where the only thing you can complain about is the canadian Tire guy hahaha

graham said...

It is - hahaha!
Must be an even easier life finding people on the internet to complain about. I think you have some dangerously serious time on your hands if you get your goat up over people making fun of shitty commercials. Why would you follow a link to this, unless you were to make fun of it, or you're involved with canadian tire?
Get a life.

Greg said...

Hey Ryan, what made you swoop across the internet and come running to the Canadian tire guys rescue. Have you ever tried masterbating to him? (tool-in-hand)

Yanik said...

Does anyone feel like bitch-slapping Jared around a bit?

Yanik said...

I don't even know if he's still around. Maybe he's fat again — crying over a footlong meatball (extra cheese and mayo).

dylan said...

Jared's still doing commercials for them. And you know if they paid me enough I might eat their crappy subs as well.

DurceambUmmorb said...

I don't wa why he won't condescendingly quotes about david beckham his correct first name.