Thursday, November 4

Six Answers About Me

Asked for ten. Got six that I figure I'd answer:

Nils asks: What are you working on that you don't tell anyone about? And why don't you?

Answer: I assume you ask this about my creative pursuits and not, say, about the next level on Grand Theft Auto on which I’m working. I am currently writing sketches for next summer’s run of Sketch 22. (No, Frankie, there is not gonna be a Christmas show. Maybe something in February?). But that is not something I don’t not tell anyone about. Secret-desire creativity would include a for-theatre Kids Show For Grown-Ups (which I have told a few people about). It would look and feel like a show for kids, but would involve adult themes. Probably a good show to go to stoned. Also, I’d love to do a one-man show that most people would hate. It would start like this: I drive a malfunctioning Harley Davidson onto the stage, keep it revving, and then proceed to tune it up for an undetermined period of time. If anyone is still around after that, I’d move onto my next bit: The Flinging of the Shit Sock… etc.

I don’t like to tell people of ideas too much, because to me the telling is the doing. Once an idea is voiced, then the desire to continue on with it begins to immediately diminish.


Wayne asks: If given the choice, who would you best like to have dinner with? (deceased accepted-with the understanding they would be alive for the occasion)

Answer: The joke answer is: anyone who pays. The “I went to university” answer is: I’d like to have dinner with the members of the Algonquin Round Table. I probably wouldn’t feel confident enough to add my witty banter, but I’d love to experience a session of their repartee at its height. My real answer (the one I’d give to the genie offering me this chance), though is: Jesus Christ. I’m dying to know if he had a sense of humour.


Coda asks: What do you most want to accomplish in your life and why?

Answer: It’s kind of pathetic perhaps, but I don’t like to set goals to accomplish. I see it as both a positive and negative way to live. Positively, I think it allows me to enjoy the moments of my life more. I am living for right now, not for the goal that’s a week, month, 20 years away. Negatively, I think it hinders one’s ability to achieve. It also is a way to avoid failure, which also had good and bad effects.

Generally, I want to be debt free at some point.

I’d also like to accomplish the goal of owning an iPod. If anyone would like to help me with that goal, just email me.


Tim asks: If you were appointed ruler of the universe, would you be a fair and benevolent leader, or would you become corrupt with power?

Answer: I think, if I was appointed ruler of the universe, first thing I’d do is destroy those who had it within their power to appoint me. Getting rid of them would likely make the job more of a permanent one. Once that was done, I would rule as fairly and benevolently as possible. Of course, there’d be periods of time when I’d be petulant and selfish. My goal would be to make the people of the universe treat others in the manner in which they’d like to be treated, and to take responsibility for themselves. Just like a parent.


Dave S asks: what's a favourite word?

Answer: I like ‘cartilage’. And ‘bueno’.


Graham asks: Have you ever been in a fist fight. What is your current hand-to-hand melee combat skill. Do you think you can take me. well do'ya ?

Answer: Yes, I have been in a fist fight. A couple, actually. The last time was in junior high, grade 7. Me and friends were walking home after school, and a couple of tough-guy grade 8ers were throwing snowballs at us and taunting us from the other side of the road. One too many hit me, so I dropped my Adidas kitbag, crossed the street and started laying into one of the kids. I got him down on the ground, got on his chest and started flailing (not unlike Ralphie in the fight scene in A Christmas Story). I went crazy. After a few minutes, others pulled me off him. I wasn’t bothered again in school.

In my university years, and for a few afterwards, I’d occasionally get mouthy when I was at an appropriate level of drunkenness. My mouth got me into a few almost-fights, where I’d be chased. I wouldn’t choose to fight. I was a provoker, not a fighter.

I imagine my current hand-to-hand melee combat skill to be pretty good. It is totally untested, and I think I'm relying on instinct-plus-crazy to get me through any tussle, but I expect I could handle myself.

And, yes, Graham, I have no doubt that if we were to fight for real, I’d take you.


Calico Cat said...

I have a question... Do you feel stymied by such a populace, in that your excellent wry wit sails over the heads of said people??? Do you lay awake at night and think that, "if only I had the 'nads' to move on and up?" Take the chance (plunge?) move to T.O.,.. The talent is there... Does it affect your marriage? Enquiring minds and all that.

Jason said...

"Why hello Rob, long time no see. My's fine....why do you ask? that a baseball bat behind you?"

Graham said...

You know, there might be more to me then meets the eye. I've never been in a real fight, I got shoved around a little in school though, and that counts for something. I too would rely on instinct/crazy to defend myself with. I think it would be an interesting fight, ofcourse I can't see it happening anytime soon, as we get along really well

Jason said...

I hate your guts Graham

graham said...

Why, because your IPOD is outdated now, and the void it left is filled with senseless rage? Or is it because you think you can take out the Pee-man ?
You say when and where!
Maybe I have anger issues?

Jason said...

Ummm....just a may want to change that nick name "PEE" man

dylan said...

I can see it now. Reality television at it's finest. We get a mixed group of starving artist's and out of work actors and have them in a no holds barred series of fights. The winner can recieve a Canada Council grant and the losers will..... Well just go back to their normal lives I guess.

graham said...

Sign me up!!
Will there be food, or 'craft services' as they call it in the biz?
AS FOR YOU JASON.... I'll fire two magic missiles! YOU DIDN"T KNOW I WAS A LEVEL 7 FIGHTER/MAGE WITH A THAC0 of 2, did you?

Jason said...

I think we just hijacked Rob's feedback forum. Sorry Rob

graham said...


Jason said...

Coward? Did you say coward???!!! WHERE'S MY 12 SIDED DIE??!!

graham said...

I fire two more magic missiles.

Jason said...

umm....I've got nuthin

graham said...

HAHA - Victory is mine! Now we can put this banter to a rest once and for all.
Hi Rob.