Tuesday, November 23

Say "Cheese"

Scene:  The Heavens
Lights up to reveal a few and sundry spirits, including God, lounging around on a cloud.  The Virgin Mary enters.
Virgin Mary:  Well, I'm thinking about making another appearance down on Earth.
God: Is that really necessary?  Do you really think it will help?
Virgin Mary:  The people need to be reassured.  Faith is wavering.  I can feel it.
God: (sigh)  Very well.  How will you manifest yourself?
Virgin Mary:  I'm going to show up on a grilled-cheese sandwich.
God:  Grilled Cheese.
St. Peter:  That's very "Warhol". 
God: Wouldn't an appearance as, you know, a flesh-and-bone human be more convincing?  Toss a miracle or two their way and voila, you got the majority of the world absolutely convinced in us.  Simple and easy.  In and out.
Thomas:  Yeah, that worked so well with Jesus.
God: In hindsight, I don't think it was the best timing with Jesus.  Probably the different areas of the world were too isolated from one another two thousand years ago for an effective world-wide promotional campaign like that.
Mark:  That's what I've been saying the last two thousand years!  I mean, Jesus gave good sound bites, but, really, who heard him when he was there?  A few thousand people at most, and the majority of them thought he was loco.  Even with all our work after his, uh, death, the word was slow to get out.  But now, with CNN and MSN Messenger , I really think a "Jesus Appears To Save Us All" headline would take off.  Like, globally.
Luke:  As long as it doesn't get usurped by other headlines.  Robert Blake's trial is coming up, you know.
Mark:  I could get working on a Powerpoint presentation, if you like?
God:  That won't be necessary, Mark.  But thank you.
Virgin Mary: Well, I really think if I manifest as a visage on a grilled cheese sandwich, that'll grab them good, too.
Luke (dismissive):  Yeah, that'd be good.
God:  Do it if you must, Virgin Mary.  It's your call.
Virgin Mary:  Well, I will.  I'll appear on a grilled cheese sandwich.
(Virgin Mary exits)
Luke:  She doesn't really "get it", does she.
Thomas:  She's too...theatrical.
Mark:  Stunt appearances like that do more damage than good, God.  I mean, bleeding walls, cloud formations.  It's ridiculous!
God: You know who I feel sorry for?  The poor schmucks who are unfortunate enough to see these images.  Get labelled as 'nutso' or 'crazy' and are ridiculed and persecuted for the rest of their Earth-bound lives.
Luke: All it'd take, God, for Earthly peace, is one smart visit from you.  Show 'em you're serious, and - Bang! - we got, what, four BILLION new subscribers.  Guaranteed.
God:  Well...let's just see how Virgin Mary's grilled cheese sandwich works out.
Luke:  You're the boss.
Lights down.

1 comment:

dylan said...

Now we know what happens when you eat too many of the virgin mary grilled cheese's.
Jesus takes root in your tooth.