Go your hands, and Please the tap

A couple of years ago, I performed improv as part of a foursome called 4Play. As the summer run ran its course, it became slightly challenging coming up with interesting and/or fun introductions, night after night.

Today, I came across this intro I wrote for one of our final performances. It was written in English, then, using dictionary.com's translator, translated into German, then French, and finally, back into English.

If I remember correctly, gadabout Nils Ling was in the audience this night and was spontaneously asked to come up on stage and read the introduction. Never one to extinguish an opportunity in the limelight, he combusted the following:

Very honoured ladies, and very honoured gentlemen, good evening, and make good receipt as 4Play’s “At One Fistful Improv”.
The hour is my pleasure this evening, to introduce the players of the visualization.
Upward first…he turns into, soon, to greener pastures. But, while he is always here, know that he will operate it blue. A set of the applause, for…Od Rashed.
Afterwards…it is each preferential Martian. I legend that because it is the only cultural reference it covers. Go your hands, for…Rob the MacLean.
Up thirdly…its wife could enter at any time with the work, but until this point in time comes, he will place here on the strange faces, fairly for you. Give upward, for… Rainnie Matte.
And in conclusion…the adhesive that keeps each whole…at least, therefore, he says us that its trousers are sticking. Please the tap, for…Rob the MacDonald.

It is it, the people…It is 4Play…It is “Fistful of Improv”.

I particularly like the lines asking for applause. I'll not translate the whole thing here, but will only say in reference to Matt's intro, his wife was very much pregnant and her going into labour was a distinct possibility.