Thursday, August 19

Ask An InSensitive Rob MacD

Because I like to emulate the great American President, George W. Bush, I thought I'd take a page from his campaign trail - specifically, the staged Ask President Bush events - and open up this blog post to answer some questions my legions of readers may want to ask of me.

Just to be like George, (it's a Salon link, you'd need to watch a small advertisement to get a 'daypass' to read the article, sorry) I'm going to have to ask that you profess a pledge of allegiance to my blog before you can gain entrance to the comments section of this post. And of course, once you enter the comments section, you must promise to only ask questions that are either pre-approved, or that are soft-ball enough that I won't stumble over in my response. Also, only ask questions that will make me look good.

Here are topics that I would appreciate you NOT ask/comment about:

- My boyscout attendance record. Unfortunately, the records regarding my attendance at Parkdale - (St.Pius X branch) Boyscout meetings were mistakenly destroyed and/or misplaced.

- The night during Sketch 22, on Battleship HMCS ArtsGuild, when I had the "Comedy Accomplished" banner unfurled, even though there were/are still more comedy shows to perform.

- The gas-mileage of my vehicle, and my firm belief in the necessity to find more fuel for my vehicle at any cost.

- The fact that I continually try to imply that Saddam Hussein was involved in the Sept.11, 2001 attacks on the USA.

- WMD's and WD-40.

Here are topics that are open to questions/comments:

- The family cat, Arista.

- How great my economy is doing. (if you ask questions about this, DO NOT ask questions regarding Mastercard or Visa bills)

- As long as you too are a firm believer in it, you will be allowed to ask questions regarding my undying faith in the Magic 8 Ball.

- Hickory Sticks.

Of course, you are not limited to questions only in thsoe topics, however, I maintain the right to ignore completely any question that I don't want to answer.

So, ask away, friends.


graham said...

Rob, I have a topsy turvy record when it comes to relationships, and my question is: Why don't women have the balls to ask me out, see I'm all for equality and empowerment to the opposite sex. Raised by my mother, I have so much respect for women, that I expect them to be assertive, capable and strong-minded. Is this dream of a perfect female unrealistic? Was the feminist movement a bad case of the grass is always greener(they thought we were the problem), and now they've reverted to their traditional feminine ways? Or am I simply not rich, goodlooking and assertive enough myself to land one of these modern broads.
Confused in Uigg

Rob said...

Graham, I assume I am paraphrasing Yoda here, but my general advice is this: In the women you pursue, don't look for what isn't. Look for what is. As for wishing they'd ask you out, think on this: There is a man at the top of a steep hill. He is waiting for the man at the bottom of the hill to deliver him a large rock. Trouble is, the man at the bottom of the hill is waiting for the man at the top of the hill to give him instructions to deliver it.

graham said...


graham said...

PS : don't use my real name, I'd like to remain anonymous. From now on I'll be "confused in Uigg"

Rob said...

Will do, Graham.

graham said...

You know, maybe this blog comment is the instruction for the person at the bottom of the hill.... I do see a lot of paralells between this scenario and sisyphus, the greek dude who was always pushing that damn rock up a hill. Thanks again
"confused in Uigg"

Calico Cat said...

Rob, I have a question... When we sufferers from erectile dysfunction suffer, what do you suggest to keep our 'disability' private?? Living in a remote rural community I would like to know how to deal with it.. local drug store and all. I have a very hard time asking for that prescription.
Please help.

Rob MacD said...

Well, Calico, it's like trying, yet failing, to push a rock up a steep hill. In this case, the pharmacy is the steep hill, and the rock is your prescription. You'd like to push in the dark, so nobody can see you, but the steep hill's hours aren't amenable to that. Unfortunately, I don't have the key.
Perhaps the answer to this problem lies within the realm of your email program's 'spam' folder?

Nils said...

Dear Rob, I've been wracking my brains tryng to come up with some decent, funny, entertainment to take my wife to on a Thursday or Friday night. Any suggestions?

Jason said...

With the oncoming fall and winter I recently purchased a new woodchuck from a local dealer (sorry...he told me not to give out names) to help me prepare firewood this season.
Now this man assured me that said woodchuck would be a huge help in my upcominng preperation for the cold months.
My question is this Rob. How much wood can the average wood chuck chuck if indeed said woodchuck could chuck wood?

Rob said...

Nils, I'm not sure if it's happening Thursday and Friday nights, but watching a woodchuck chuck wood is pretty damn entertaining. Perhaps Jason would set up a couple of chairs for you?
Jason, unfortunately, woodchucks cannot chuck wood so the question is moot. Your woodchuck purchase was a waste of money, and it will not help you with your woodchucking dilemna. However, to help you out, I may have convinced Nils and his wife to drop by to give you a hand. Expect them Thursday or Friday night.