Wednesday, May 12

The Idiotic Masses of America (tm)

How uninterested have I become in watching American Idol? Last night, it was a tough decision between watching the final four sing on AI, or paper cutting my body and bathing in rubbing alcohol. Barely, just barely, I chose AI. I’ll save the paper cuts for the weekend.

How many times did guest judge Donna Summer, in her critiques, mention the fact that she, too, sings on stage. That’s how irrelevant Donna Summer has become. She needs to validate over and over again that she too was a star. I’m guessing, too, that Miss Summer missed the afternoon rehearsal, because she looked like she didn’t have a clue as to what was gonna happen next, or when she should talk, or for how long. At least, she warmed up enough to offer some honest-to-goodness criticisms.

Onto the competition:

Jasmine Treehouse: Well, surely, this is the final week for Hawaii’s Spring Tourism campaign. Really, for me, the only thing that disco ever had going for it, was that it can be fun and energetic music. I don’t know how she did it, but, boy, did Jasmine ever suck the fun and energy out of those songs. I pray to the Gods of Maudlin that her crying at the end of her final performance doesn’t sway The Idiotic Masses Of America™ to cast votes for her. Aloha, Jennifer

LaToya NewYorkLondonParisMunich: Thank goodness for Simon Cowell. His criticisms of LaToya were spot on last night. Great voice, consistently excellent singing, but no personality is coming through. Her second performance was better than her first, and both were very well sung, technically, but Dude, there’s nothing more there.

Speaking of “Dude!”, why did they reverse the order of the judges speaking? My theory is that they got tired of hearing Randy say, EVERY time: “It was aiight. A little pitchy, but it was aiight.”, followed by Paula’s “You know I love you. You’re a star already”. Now, though, Simon going first nails the criticism down right away, and leaves nothing left for the others. Also, now Randy doesn’t bother coming up with his own opinions. He just says he agrees with what Simon says. We all do, Randy. We all do.

LaToya will make it through to the final three. And, as good as she is, I think she might get upset next week by the upandcoming Diana. I believe The Idiotic Masses of America™ are tiring of LaToya’s lack of personality. Also, not smart of her to say ‘getting to final four is good enough. We’re all going to be successful’. If I was teetering between voting for her, or voting for someone else, that would have been the deciding factor for me. You’re happy enough to be final four? Okay, someone else gets my vote. Of course, that assumes the voters actually put thought into who they vote for. Never underestimate the lack of potential of TIMoA™

Fantasia Burrito: You may not like her voice. You may not like her personality, or the way she carries herself. But I don’t think you can deny that Fantasia is the only competitor left who has even a shred of “celebrity” in her genetic makeup. Whether you like her or not, she is the only one who would bring anything interesting to the title of American Idol. For the record, I like Fantasia and, with the few remaining beads of care I have left for this show, I am cheering for her.

Diana DelaGuardia: Okay, Diana’s been improving over the last couple of week’s, and she ended the show last night on a high note. Against all odd, I expect her to make a serious grab at getting to the final two. The best thing I can say about her is she is a second-rate Hillary Duff. Here is my problem with Diana: She is fake. In her I see the shallowness of the music industry. In her I see the handlers who are all about greedy potential for merchandise and marketing. And she appears to be more than willing to go along. Barely tolerable when she is singing, her willingness to be a slut to celebrity goes off the radar when she is not singing. Then she is all about smiling and playing along and being phony. Through her mannerisms and the way she behaves, I fully expect her to become whatever type of entertainer ‘those who know’ would want her to be to maximise her appeal to the greatest amount of people.

I see this, but I don’t expect The Idiotic Masses of America™ see this. Or rather, I expect they don’t care. Because of her willingness to be whatever, and America’s apathy, I predict she will win.


hans said...

i think they switched the order so paula couldn't copy randy's opinions anymore.
p.s. can readers expect a critique of the survivor-all-stars conclusion?

Rob MacD said...

Sorry Hans, but the Timeliness Ship has sailed on a critique of Survivor All-Stars. Truth be told, I wrote a long and involved entry on how and why Jenna chose wrong when she voted against Rupert (it got into mathematical probability and everything), but I deleted it. I then attempted to write a second review today, because of your request. Again, I got rather heavy into it, but then threw my hands up in the air and in a fit of 'why bother' decided not to post it.
Maybe I'll post a bit about the Extra Special All-Stars Special on Thursday. (in which Rupert wins a million dollars, by the way)

Rob MacD said...

Oh well, so much for The Gods of Maudlin answering my prayers.