Friday, March 11

I Should Have Died 3 Million Years Ago!!

According to 2 UC Berkeley scientists, the Earth gives itself a bio-enema of mass extinction every 62 million years. 
People, it's been 65 million years since the last mass extinction, with the dinosaurs and all.  We're 3 million years past due!  I'm scared to go to sleep tonight.

The Earth was talking on the phone its friend, a teenage planet.
"Wait", said the Earth, "I think I hear something."
The Earth turned it's head slightly and saw something moving in the shadow of the closet, and its heart began to pound fast.
"Seriously," the Earth whispered into the receiver, "there's someone in the galax----"
There was a scream, and then...
diiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll    toooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
"Oh. My. God." said the teenage planet.  "You better be joking, or I'm gonna be, like, seriously pissed!"
Teenage Planet waited a moment for Earth to stop playing its game.

But Earth wasn't joking.  It was dead.


maryanne said...


High Priest of Zoltar said...

Of course the Earth is only delaying the purging of the current infestation of humanity because of a personal request from Zoltar, the spirit who lives on pluto. Zoltar is of course benevolent and kind and only wishes for humanity to find true happiness.
Zoltar's re-education centers provide the surest means of escaping the coming "bio-enema". By following the footsteps of Snorm, the traveller, the faithful will find refuge on Pluto while the Earth replenishes itself. Only then will we return to live in a paradise complete with Glisten-sticks and Puddlings. Of course there is still time to purify your soul in the worship of Zoltar. Cash and Credit Cards now accepted.

maryanne said...

If I sign up with Zoltar, it will only be to further my movie career.

graham said...

Zoltar helps me with my creative endevours ( he might want 10%, though). I recommend all sign up to the only truth out there. To the only belief worth believing. Zoltar picks up where other deitys have failed.

Nils said...

Fucking Zoltarians.