Miss USA, Prettiest of the Morons

I happened upon a couple of minutes near the end of the Miss USA pageant last night.  Normally I wouldn't watch such claptrap, but they were at the "ask the beauties about themselves and see if they can construct sentences" portion of the show, so I had to see how they did.

Most of it was pretty vapid.  And I don't mean Human-levels of vapidness, I'm talkin' a vapidness that surpasses even Beauty-Pageant-levels of vapid.
Just moronic, the answers were.

The highlight lowlight for me was Miss California.  

(side note:  look at this picture.  She looks like an Alien monster.  Seriously.  This is supposed to be the epitome of American beauty?)

She was asked to expand on her apparent infatuation with history.  What is it about history that you like?

She said she really likes history, is "a huge history buff", and is totally obsessed with the Tudor and Stuart era.  I thought this was a rather specific and odd statement, but, okay, she likes that period of English history.  Okay.

Then she said we can always find her in the history section at the Barnes and Noble. Nothing wrong with that.

Then came the home-run: To reiterate her love of history, she said she watches a lot of TV, like Game Of Thrones and Camelot.

Let me repeat that:  As examples of history-based TV programs she watches, she singles out Game Of Thrones and Camelot.

Okay, I can forgive Camelot, even though practically everything about the King Arthur legend is pure speculation.  

But there's no excuse for putting Game Of Thrones in any category even close to "history".

 (the historically accurate map of Eastern Doesnotexist)

To her credit, she did quickly realize her own stupidity, and backtracked saying she realized those shows were more fantasy. But that doesn't negate the fact that she mentioned them as examples of history-based TV shows she likes. Moron.

Then, as if to re-prove how smart she was, and to prove that she did, in fact, watch programs of historical significance, she said she did watch and love shows like The Tudors.

The Tudors.  

I derive joy thinking that she believes The Tudors is in any significant way historically accurate.  

I further imagine that she gets her knowledge of French/Gallic history from Asterix and Obelix comics.

I also imagine that, in 400 years, her great great great great great grand-moron will one day declare her love of history, saying she's obsessed with the Julia Roberts era of history, and loves watching history shows like Desperate Housewives.

Miss USA, Prettiest of the Morons

I happened upon a couple of minutes near the end of the Miss USA pageant last night.  Normally I wouldn't watch such claptrap, but they were at the "ask the beauties about themselves and see if they can construct sentences" portion of the show, so I had to see how they did.

Most of it was pretty vapid.  And I don't mean Human-levels of vapidness, I'm talkin' a vapidness that surpasses even Beauty-Pageant-levels of vapid.
Just moronic, the answers were.

The highlight lowlight for me was Miss California.  

(side note:  look at this picture.  She looks like an Alien monster.  Seriously.  This is supposed to be the epitome of American beauty?)

She was asked to expand on her apparent infatuation with history.  What is it about history that you like?

She said she really likes history, is "a huge history buff", and is totally obsessed with the Tudor and Stuart era.  I thought this was a rather specific and odd statement, but, okay, she likes that period of English history.  Okay.

Then she said we can always find her in the history section at the Barnes and Noble. Nothing wrong with that.

Then came the home-run: To reiterate her love of history, she said she watches a lot of TV, like Game Of Thrones and Camelot.

Let me repeat that:  As examples of history-based TV programs she watches, she singles out Game Of Thrones and Camelot.

Okay, I can forgive Camelot, even though practically everything about the King Arthur legend is pure speculation.  

But there's no excuse for putting Game Of Thrones in any category even close to "history".

 (the historically accurate map of Eastern Doesnotexist)

To her credit, she did quickly realize her own stupidity, and backtracked saying she realized those shows were more fantasy. But that doesn't negate the fact that she mentioned them as examples of history-based TV shows she likes. Moron.

Then, as if to re-prove how smart she was, and to prove that she did, in fact, watch programs of historical significance, she said she did watch and love shows like The Tudors.

The Tudors.  

I derive joy thinking that she believes The Tudors is in any significant way historically accurate.  

I further imagine that she gets her knowledge of French/Gallic history from Asterix and Obelix comics.

I also imagine that, in 400 years, her great great great great great grand-moron will one day declare her love of history, saying she's obsessed with the Julia Roberts era of history, and loves watching history shows like Desperate Housewives.

Rob's Seven-Word Review of "Source Code"

Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga & Jeffrey Wright

My review: Well-performed sci-fi. Wright's character misses. Pretty eyes.

Rob's Seven-Word Review of "Source Code"

Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga & Jeffrey Wright

My review: Well-performed sci-fi. Wright's character misses. Pretty eyes.

7 Word Reviews of IMAF2011 Videos Seen

So, for a while now, I've been thinking about writing up some 7-word reviews (that's kind of become my thing - 7 word reviews. Well, one of my things) of the videos I saw at this year's Island Media Arts Festival.  Wanted to do it right after the screenings, to keep it fresh.  Then I didn't do it.  Then I thought "well, the time has passed" and decided not to do it.  Then I thought "what the hell, just do it" and then I did it.  That's a lot of "thens".

Overall, I enjoyed the two nights of screeenings I saw.  Generally speaking, it's obvious that a lot of people have some pretty stout talents when it comes to shooting videos, and making them look really nice.  I did find myself wishing, though, that there were more people who were more interested in telling stories than they were in making videos look nice.

Anyway, here are some 7 word reviews.  With only 7 words, you might have to read between the lines quite a bit, and likely my meaning at times will be confusing as I attempt to have some specific word imply a whole paragraph of opinion.

FULL SCHEDULE – WEB WORKS AND COMEDY SCREENING:

And Yet I Blame Hollywood – Dave Stewart : A series of five two-minute movie reviews, in animated form.

 My 7 Word Review:  Sharply written. Distinct animation and characters. Succeeds.  (disclosure: I did some voice-work for some of these episodes)

 

Bunny Bop; Episode One – Cheryl Wagner : Episode One of a 15 episode web series for kids. It features young kids in bunny suits at play in a wondrous garden setting.

 My 7 Word Review: Cute, bright, short. Kids should love this.

 

Pabst Blue Ribbon – Jeremy Larter : A nod to David Lynch and Dennis Hopper.

 My 7 Word Review:  Didn't get any Lynch or Hopper vibe.

 

The New Neighbours – Susan Rodgers : When new neighbours move in to the apartment across the hall, they start making some strange sounds in the morning.

 My 7 Word Review: Disliked this. Too slow. Too long. Unfunny.

 

Billy Pelican; Reality TV – Neil Wiley/Richard DesRoches : A short film done in “vlog” form.

 My 7 Word Review: Dated.  Mercer rant ripoff. Well performed, though.

 

Mr. Happy – Pamela Lovelace : A man with particular tastes gets more than he bargained for at this particular coffee shop.

 My 7 Word Review: Liked at beginning. Bored by the end.

 

20 Steps Toronto – Jeremy Larter : 20 shots around Nathan Phillips Square in 20 step increments.

 My 7 Word Review: Rather aimless and random. Looked nice though.

 

Colour Code – Errol Richardson : The band Colour Code rehearses to syncopated lights.

 My 7 Word Review: Nice, but ran out of steam, visually.

A Time to Drum; Chapter Two – Susan Rodgers : Chapter two in a web series about dreams set against the backdrop of pipe band drumming. It is a passion project by a Mom whose son Christopher lives for music.

 My 7 Word Review: Long and self-absorbed. Desperately needs editor. 

Three Amigos Buy a Door – John Christenson : Three friends, member of the NB film co-op are tasked to improve the security of the co-op office by acquiring a new door. However, long-time friends or not, they soon find that they don’t quite work in sync.

 My 7 Word Review: Amateurish, uninspired. Humour misses. Made by technicians? 

Food Country; Brookfield Gardens – Adam Perry : One episode of the Food Country series featuring Chef Michael Smith as he tours PEI, talking to the people who produce the food we eat. And then making marvellous dishes.

 My 7 Word Review: Visually beautiful. Charming, warm, educational. Well done.

Now and Then – Millefiore Clarkes : One episode of the ten part series produced by ‘this town is small’ featuring PEI musicians in locations of significance around Charlottetown.

 My 7 Word Review: Simple, well executed. Don't remember song, though.

How to Be Alone – Andrea Dorfman/Tanya Davis : A quiet film that explores the delight one can find in being alone.

 (this video had technical difficulties so we didn't see it at the festival.  However, I had watched it on the internet, so this is a review of that experience)  My 7 Word Review: Turned it off halfway through.  Too precious.

December in Toronto – Millefiore Clarkes : A sense-weaving journey to Toronto through the single gaze of the traveller.

 My 7 Word Review: Visually rich. Bit chaotic and random. Liked.

Hat – Adam Perry : A farmer goes to his barn for some entertainment. Music video for Racoon Bandit’s song “Hat”.

 My 7 Word Review: Like everything about this: idea, song, execution.

Trans-Anne – Jason Rogerson : Anne and Diana tear down the highway in a ’75 Trans-Am in this Thelma and Louise inspired re-telling of the LM Montgomery classic.

 My 7 Word Review: Some funny bits, but too unwieldy, story-wise.  (disclosure: I play the title character)

 

IMAF Gala: Ten of PEI’s Best Shorts

Lucky 7 – Jason Rogerson : A comedy that follows the insanity that ensues after an office lotto pool hits the jackpot. Lucky 7 was the winner of the first PEI CBC 321 Award in 2010.

 

My 7 Word Review: Good performances, but story ends three-quarters through.  (disclosure: I act in this)

 

Rituals of December – Jeremy Larter : A moment of poetry with poet John MacKenzie.

 

My 7 Word Review: Liked performance, but video uninspired. Hide paper.

 

Reforestation – Laura Stewart : A man, fed up with everyday life ventures into the forest to find something new.

 

My 7 Word Review: Me likey.  More like this please. Kudos.

 

The Invasion of the Horrible Alien Brain Monsters from Outer Space in 3D – Fox Henderson : A hommage to the films of Ed Wood. The Brain Queen comes to earth to find a place to breed her horrible alien brain monsters. It is up to Dr. Jack Hammer to stop her.

 

My 7 Word Review: Half liked, half disliked. Not funny enough.

 

None 2 Some – Dennis Trainor : A brother and sister duo loose their mother and come up with a unique way to try to find her.

 

My 7 Word Review: Liked its low-budgetness. Strong characters, well performed.

 

The Islanders – Brian Pollard : This documentary is a nostalgic look at life on PEI in the 19th and early 20th centuries – a time when inhabitants referred to the Island at their “country” despite its diminutive size.

 

My 7 Word Review:  Too many pictures.  Wanted to see interviewees..

 

Anna di Timpiani Verde – Rob MacDonald : What if Anne of Green Gables was a 1970′s Italian Art Film? That’s the premise behind Anna di Timpani Verde, a reimagining of the iconic characters from the novel.

 

My 7 Word Review: I have a large fondness for this.  (disclosure: I wrote and directed this)

 

Harbour Town – Adam Perry : One episode of the ten part series produced by ‘this town is small’ featuring PEI musicians in locations of significance around Charlottetown.

 

My 7 Word Review: Starkness works. Well executed.  Hide that cord?

 

Automocar – Gavin Keen : The Danks take a trip to the carnival.

 

My 7 Word Review: Good looking music video. Enjoyed watching this.

 

The Bath – JoDee Samuelson : The story of a elderly woman, as she finds reprieve from daily life in the simple act of taking of a bath.

 (picture isn't linking) 

My 7 Word Review: Haven't tired of seeing this yet. Great!

 

Vast – Harmony Wagner : A young boy wakes up to discover he is the last person on Earth and he has to find out why.

 My 7 Word Review: Liked it, but found it too antiseptic.  (also, and more than 7 words, I was bugged that the description of the video turned out to be a lie.  SPOILER:  boy isn't the last person on Earth and it's not really about him having to find out why.  A minor thing, but it bugged me.)

 

 

 

7 Word Reviews of IMAF2011 Videos Seen

So, for a while now, I've been thinking about writing up some 7-word reviews (that's kind of become my thing - 7 word reviews. Well, one of my things) of the videos I saw at this year's Island Media Arts Festival.  Wanted to do it right after the screenings, to keep it fresh.  Then I didn't do it.  Then I thought "well, the time has passed" and decided not to do it.  Then I thought "what the hell, just do it" and then I did it.  That's a lot of "thens".

Overall, I enjoyed the two nights of screeenings I saw.  Generally speaking, it's obvious that a lot of people have some pretty stout talents when it comes to shooting videos, and making them look really nice.  I did find myself wishing, though, that there were more people who were more interested in telling stories than they were in making videos look nice.

Anyway, here are some 7 word reviews.  With only 7 words, you might have to read between the lines quite a bit, and likely my meaning at times will be confusing as I attempt to have some specific word imply a whole paragraph of opinion.

FULL SCHEDULE – WEB WORKS AND COMEDY SCREENING:

And Yet I Blame Hollywood – Dave Stewart : A series of five two-minute movie reviews, in animated form.

 My 7 Word Review:  Sharply written. Distinct animation and characters. Succeeds.  (disclosure: I did some voice-work for some of these episodes)

 

Bunny Bop; Episode One – Cheryl Wagner : Episode One of a 15 episode web series for kids. It features young kids in bunny suits at play in a wondrous garden setting.

 My 7 Word Review: Cute, bright, short. Kids should love this.

 

Pabst Blue Ribbon – Jeremy Larter : A nod to David Lynch and Dennis Hopper.

 My 7 Word Review:  Didn't get any Lynch or Hopper vibe.

 

The New Neighbours – Susan Rodgers : When new neighbours move in to the apartment across the hall, they start making some strange sounds in the morning.

 My 7 Word Review: Disliked this. Too slow. Too long. Unfunny.

 

Billy Pelican; Reality TV – Neil Wiley/Richard DesRoches : A short film done in “vlog” form.

 My 7 Word Review: Dated.  Mercer rant ripoff. Well performed, though.

 

Mr. Happy – Pamela Lovelace : A man with particular tastes gets more than he bargained for at this particular coffee shop.

 My 7 Word Review: Liked at beginning. Bored by the end.

 

20 Steps Toronto – Jeremy Larter : 20 shots around Nathan Phillips Square in 20 step increments.

 My 7 Word Review: Rather aimless and random. Looked nice though.

 

Colour Code – Errol Richardson : The band Colour Code rehearses to syncopated lights.

 My 7 Word Review: Nice, but ran out of steam, visually.

A Time to Drum; Chapter Two – Susan Rodgers : Chapter two in a web series about dreams set against the backdrop of pipe band drumming. It is a passion project by a Mom whose son Christopher lives for music.

 My 7 Word Review: Long and self-absorbed. Desperately needs editor. 

Three Amigos Buy a Door – John Christenson : Three friends, member of the NB film co-op are tasked to improve the security of the co-op office by acquiring a new door. However, long-time friends or not, they soon find that they don’t quite work in sync.

 My 7 Word Review: Amateurish, uninspired. Humour misses. Made by technicians? 

Food Country; Brookfield Gardens – Adam Perry : One episode of the Food Country series featuring Chef Michael Smith as he tours PEI, talking to the people who produce the food we eat. And then making marvellous dishes.

 My 7 Word Review: Visually beautiful. Charming, warm, educational. Well done.

Now and Then – Millefiore Clarkes : One episode of the ten part series produced by ‘this town is small’ featuring PEI musicians in locations of significance around Charlottetown.

 My 7 Word Review: Simple, well executed. Don't remember song, though.

How to Be Alone – Andrea Dorfman/Tanya Davis : A quiet film that explores the delight one can find in being alone.

 (this video had technical difficulties so we didn't see it at the festival.  However, I had watched it on the internet, so this is a review of that experience)  My 7 Word Review: Turned it off halfway through.  Too precious.

December in Toronto – Millefiore Clarkes : A sense-weaving journey to Toronto through the single gaze of the traveller.

 My 7 Word Review: Visually rich. Bit chaotic and random. Liked.

Hat – Adam Perry : A farmer goes to his barn for some entertainment. Music video for Racoon Bandit’s song “Hat”.

 My 7 Word Review: Like everything about this: idea, song, execution.

Trans-Anne – Jason Rogerson : Anne and Diana tear down the highway in a ’75 Trans-Am in this Thelma and Louise inspired re-telling of the LM Montgomery classic.

 My 7 Word Review: Some funny bits, but too unwieldy, story-wise.  (disclosure: I play the title character)

 

IMAF Gala: Ten of PEI’s Best Shorts

Lucky 7 – Jason Rogerson : A comedy that follows the insanity that ensues after an office lotto pool hits the jackpot. Lucky 7 was the winner of the first PEI CBC 321 Award in 2010.

 

My 7 Word Review: Good performances, but story ends three-quarters through.  (disclosure: I act in this)

 

Rituals of December – Jeremy Larter : A moment of poetry with poet John MacKenzie.

 

My 7 Word Review: Liked performance, but video uninspired. Hide paper.

 

Reforestation – Laura Stewart : A man, fed up with everyday life ventures into the forest to find something new.

 

My 7 Word Review: Me likey.  More like this please. Kudos.

 

The Invasion of the Horrible Alien Brain Monsters from Outer Space in 3D – Fox Henderson : A hommage to the films of Ed Wood. The Brain Queen comes to earth to find a place to breed her horrible alien brain monsters. It is up to Dr. Jack Hammer to stop her.

 

My 7 Word Review: Half liked, half disliked. Not funny enough.

 

None 2 Some – Dennis Trainor : A brother and sister duo loose their mother and come up with a unique way to try to find her.

 

My 7 Word Review: Liked its low-budgetness. Strong characters, well performed.

 

The Islanders – Brian Pollard : This documentary is a nostalgic look at life on PEI in the 19th and early 20th centuries – a time when inhabitants referred to the Island at their “country” despite its diminutive size.

 

My 7 Word Review:  Too many pictures.  Wanted to see interviewees..

 

Anna di Timpiani Verde – Rob MacDonald : What if Anne of Green Gables was a 1970′s Italian Art Film? That’s the premise behind Anna di Timpani Verde, a reimagining of the iconic characters from the novel.

 

My 7 Word Review: I have a large fondness for this.  (disclosure: I wrote and directed this)

 

Harbour Town – Adam Perry : One episode of the ten part series produced by ‘this town is small’ featuring PEI musicians in locations of significance around Charlottetown.

 

My 7 Word Review: Starkness works. Well executed.  Hide that cord?

 

Automocar – Gavin Keen : The Danks take a trip to the carnival.

 

My 7 Word Review: Good looking music video. Enjoyed watching this.

 

The Bath – JoDee Samuelson : The story of a elderly woman, as she finds reprieve from daily life in the simple act of taking of a bath.

 (picture isn't linking) 

My 7 Word Review: Haven't tired of seeing this yet. Great!

 

Vast – Harmony Wagner : A young boy wakes up to discover he is the last person on Earth and he has to find out why.

 My 7 Word Review: Liked it, but found it too antiseptic.  (also, and more than 7 words, I was bugged that the description of the video turned out to be a lie.  SPOILER:  boy isn't the last person on Earth and it's not really about him having to find out why.  A minor thing, but it bugged me.)