According to 2 UC Berkeley scientists, the Earth gives itself a bio-enema of mass extinction every 62 million years.
People, it's been 65 million years since the last mass extinction, with the dinosaurs and all. We're 3 million years past due! I'm scared to go to sleep tonight.
The Earth was talking on the phone its friend, a teenage planet.
"Wait", said the Earth, "I think I hear something."
The Earth turned it's head slightly and saw something moving in the shadow of the closet, and its heart began to pound fast.
"Seriously," the Earth whispered into the receiver, "there's someone in the galax----"
There was a scream, and then...
"Oh. My. God." said the teenage planet. "You better be joking, or I'm gonna be, like, seriously pissed!"
Teenage Planet waited a moment for Earth to stop playing its game.
But Earth wasn't joking. It was dead.